Monday, September 01, 2014

First of September

Hey there.

Long time no blogging.

Happy September!

Well I got a job! Woo!

Getting up early, putting on work clothes, taking care of my family. God has answered my prayers. Working with 3 nice ladies. There are a million things to do. The most important get done first.

Still have lots of emotions. Lots of frustration.

I would like to punch someone in the throat frustration.

But I would never do that - only in self defense. Ha.

Lots of time spent wondering why, but there is no answer. Behavior like I've seen is down right pathetic.

Ready to be out of this tiny rental house. Ready to make new & better memories.
Ready to stop being so dang frustrated but it's a process. One that I hope I will climb out of quickly.

I read this on FB tonight & thought it hit home. Things that have happened to me are so UNFAIR I want to scream, but I'm holding onto Gods promise that He has a future & a hope for us

"Dear T,

You told me the truth today. Thank you for that. You told me how hard it all is, how tired and afraid and lonely you are. You told me that once again - he hasn’t paid the damn child support. You cried and said, “My babies deserve better. My babies deserve a family.” I heard you when you said that. I heard you. And I heard you when you told me the story about being on the playground yesterday next to a father pushing his baby girl. And how you raged inside as he tickled her and she giggled. About how you looked over at the wife on the bench and marveled at how safe in the world she seemed to feel. And how you watched your fatherless little girl watch them and you wondered if she was wondering: what good thing did they do to deserve a daddy? Because that’s what you were wondering.

And I listened hard and quiet and then I told you it was just all so damn unfair. And I told you that your babies are two of the most precious people I’ve ever known. And that you are, too. And that you are too, damnit. And that none of it makes a lick of sense. That you just got dealt a bad, bad hand.

But what I didn’t tell you- because it wasn’t the right time- because maybe it’s never the right time- was that many of my favorite people on Earth are the ones that had unfair childhoods. What I didn’t say to you is that many of the most joyful, grateful, ALIVE people I know are the ones who graduated from that crappy unfair school your babies are attending. What I didn’t say is that right now, somewhere down deep in my bones, I BELIEVE, T- that you are paying the price for their adulthood joy. I KNOW that they are going to be joy- filled adults. I just do. And so I wanted to listen and honor your pain but I also wanted to yell at the top of my lungs: THEY ARE GOING TO BE OKAY! THEY ARE GOING TO BE MORE THAN OKAY- BECAUSE THEIR MAMA IS A WARRIOR. THEY ARE GOING TO BE AMAZING BECAUSE THEIR MAMA IS A MIGHTY RELENTLESS HOPEFUL GENTLE FIERCE WARRIOR. Because they’re gonna be okay. Spring is coming for them. And for you. Spring is always coming. Keep them warm during the winter. That’s all we can do and Thank God, that is enough." Glennon Melton Momastery

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